Time Stands Still

As my Friday night software release rolled to Saturday, I thought I was in the clear once I got to bed around 1 AM. Then a call @ 3:49 AM turned into 8 more conference calls and 2 more emergency releases: aka Hot Fixes. By 10 PM Saturday, all was calm but there was no way I wanted to look at my computer another second. Saturday was the longest day in quite some time. I had to unplug. I made private notes of gratitude the remainder of the weekend. Today, I am catching with the following points of gratitude:

• Letting the big secret out of the bag and finally realizing that its not about me and the way I want to tell it. It's about Kristina and what she's "cooking."
• Working remotely. Being in Waco with my parents, there was no way I was driving back to Dallas at 3:49am to work.
• That my mother has high-speed Internet.
• Espresso, coffee, alka-seltzer.
• The nice little snacks my mom and Kristina made for me to keep me going.
• A client who clearly sees that the problem with the whole process was with the test team (or lack thereof) and not with the developer.
• Being able to unplug.
• Teaching Kaylin to play Red Light - Green Light. Watching her squirm as "the monster comes to get" her. She'd curl up in a ball, but still hold up the red and green lights until I made it; squealing each slow step.
• The new bond between my mom and K.
• Doug's repetitious excitement.
• Riding 40 miles in 2 hours, 19 minutes. Time includes stopping for directions and 6 phone calls.
• A safe ride home. Traffic was crazy thick around Hillsboro..
• Flopping around in bed watching the Oscars. It's always good to be home.

H.H.

The weekend is here, so what!

It's funny, but I realized this morning that I don't really care that it's the weekend. Sure, there are things I have planned this weekend with great anticipation, but I haven't been waiting for Friday since Monday. Actually, that's number 1 on my list. Today I am grateful for:

• Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday all feeling like Friday.
• A check + smiley face on Kristina's visit to Dr. Spooner.
• Oranges.
• Michelle's gentle reminders to keep glogging and her example of action. I am very proud that she and Craig are going to be slumlords!
• Great weather all week. The wheels have been tugging hard and I have had a break in the action at work which allows me to take advantage of the beautiful weather.
• A phone call from Emilio. It's a high complement when a friend picks you to vent their problems. No matter if the problems are work, home, or personal. Fortunately, these were work problems and I think I was able to help.
• 238 Watts for 1 hour -> My apparent recovery ride pace (70 - 75% Max HR)
  Watching the Mavericks while laying in bed with Kristina. The 32 LCD was a good choice. Not all materialism is bad.:)
• Getting the all systems go on the NPI release at work.
• You.

H.H.

A simple experiment

Recently, I unwhittingly performed my own little guilt experiment. In retrospect the accidental experiment has really helped me to understand what a heavy emotional draw that even a little guilt imparts. I've been glogging for a few weeks now, but after about 10 days, I went for a stretch with no entries. About 3 days. In that short period of time, my attitude did a 180 and reverted back to my old, impatient, cyncical way. The effect that glogging has is phenominal. Conversely, the magnitude of the impact of life without gratitude is astounding.

Back on track with my glogging now, I understand that my anger was due to guilt. I knew that stopping for just 3 minutes every day to give thanks for the blessings of the days is what helps me take what I want from that day and leave the rest behind. Not doing so was making me angry. I felt that there was no direction, no control, and nothing worthy of gratitude. Three short days. Imagine how your friends and family are affected when you fall off your track. Now imagine how the joy, over which you seize control through gratitude, must be sorely missed for those who do not know how to take control.

I can't say that all guilt is due to a lack of gratitude. However, this simple experiment helped me to understand the devastating impact of guilt itself. Fortunately, I knew that the way to reverse this guilt was to resume glogging. Whenever I feel guilty I recall the adage: "guilt is anger turned inward." Some words of wisdom are difficult to understand without the experience.

Can you smell that?

Set things in motion... action action action. Today I am grateful for:

• Prospect of adding a new client.
• Getting all scheduled work done before 9 AM!
• Cashing out at 2pm to go ride.
• Showing up at Kristina's work in my spandex and having her tell her teacher buddies that it's like walking out to a teen movie with me waiting outside and leaning up against her car.
• Kristina telling me I am her ideal man. (except I don't play guitar).
• Kristina asking me deeper questions about the glog and having the opportunity to tell her the reward of gratitude.
• You.

H.H.

Sunny, 70+, Remote

Many things to be grateful for, let's get started:

• A good conversation with my old college bud Josh.  He set me straight on some ideas about knowing gender.  I like the idea of the surprise.  Kristina and I will surely have much fun debating the pros and cons.
• Awesome weather.  Sunny, slight breeze (some gusts).  Perfect for a nice little 35 mile spin.
• Having the windows open in February will others have snow!
• My laptop drive died last night.  Normally that would be bad, but I was able to get a new drive and recover 100% of the data in record time.
• The first grilling time of the year.  I grilled up chicken and beef.
• Working remote.
• Liege Waffles (check my block at www.chrisbeckworth.com)
• The Tour of California.  Nice to have an option to American Idol!
• Michelle continuing to glog me even when I lose my steam.

H.H.

Time Off

ately, I've felt a lot of steam lost. Can't seem to find the magic and the joy. I'll try to get going again by working through some of the things I have to be grateful for...

• Blowing a gasket for no apparent reason and still being loved. Sometimes I just have to go a little crazy yo!
• Good bike riding weather early in the season.
• Finally finding some nice neighborhoods to move to - if only there were houses in my price range. Bitter sweet. However, now I have some attainable goals.
• My new polo house pants. Kristina knows me better than I do.
• Eating copious amounts of food and not gaining a single pound.
• Finding some mountain bike shoes on sale at REI for $30! Now... if I only had a mountain bike... they'll make great spin shoes.
• RICE and Contrast Therapy.
• trulia.com, gmail, and other tools on the Internets.
• Scott finding some serious success with Ingnite, Inc; his new business.

H.H.

Get Your Heart On

Alright... woo!  Happy Valentine's Day.  St. Valentine: the patron saint of greeting cards.  We love you, we love you not.  Plenty of gratitude.  Wanna hear about it?  Here goes:

• Lunch with a grumpy old college friend.  Better him than me.
• Tomorrow feeling like it's Friday and it's only Thursday; I must have accomplished much this week.
• Sweet gifts from Kristina.  She can be very thoughtful when she wants.  Luckily, I'm the one for whom she always wants to be thoughtful.
• Finding a new route home through the construction.
• A job that let's me sleep late when I stay up late.
• Solving the EIM Asset duplication problem.
• Finding the right card for Kristina.
• Leftovers.
• More candy, chocolates, and funny presents from Kristina's diverse classroom.  The best gifts are usually the worst because you know that the kid picked it out... or should I say the worst is the best?  You get the idea.  A metal rose.  Sure, it total junk, but the little nerdy boy loved giving it to Kristina.  That's what's really the best.  The Harry & David Moose Tracks was pretty darn good, too!
• The cleaning power of bleach.
• Sleep.
• You

Happy Valentines Day.

I think you'll find this funny

Well? Did you? Some days are productive some days you just get hung on the same problem all day. I think this is true for all walks, but especially prevelant in software. As long as you fix it and don't have to face it the next day, it's a win. All in, I'm still grateful for:

• Winning at the end of the day - glad I can look at new code tomorrow
• Getting the "glog" term in play.
• Blogger Timestamps.
• Stephen Colbert - that guy is a genius. I'm going to start the Colbert Party some day.
• Little things at work that don't bug me any more.
• Not having much to say.
• You.

H.H.

Can a day be busy and restful?

Yes.  Still recovering from pushing it a little too hard on the bike and in the gym, I feel like avoided what everyone else seems to have.  Today was a busy day at work, but much was accomplished.  I have only 3 major items on my plate.  That's a good feeling.  Mondays seem to be all about work, but today seemed to be more about completion of outstanding tasks, requests for help from friends and colleagues and finally getting a handle on my work to dos - an important 1st step in clearing out the clutter.  Today I am grateful for:

• Kristina's expectant email reminding me to get my glog up and post!
  
• The accolades for my new "thoughts on glogging" I received for my "Glog is like Photos" post.
• Closing all my HEAT Tickets.
• Responding to all outstanding email requests for information, help, etc.
• Having time to help my recruiter friend Stephynie get her kid setup with a blog so they can post to their family back home on the east coast.
• Being able to close out the last minute email request that came in right before I pressed CTRL+ALT+DEL to skip out early - better than having to look at in the morning.
• A quick conversation with an old college friend that lives here in Dallas.  He's my big brother from fraternity days.  We're going to catch up over lunch on Wednesday.
• An easy tomorrow since I got so much work done today - hopefully some time to go to the gym and maybe get a run in before work.
• Helping Michelle set up her glog at glog.jonesthompson.com.  Hearing how I am one of 5 people that have been infected by her light and that makes me feel oddly connected to people I don't know in a weird, liberal, "woo-woo" sort of way that makes me laugh.
• You.

H.H.

Gratitude is a Snapshot

Thinking about how a gratitude journal affects one's outlook or reality brings to mind other peoples' vacation photographs. Think of the last time you visited friends and they showed you their photos from their last vacation. Every photo was of some beautiful place, perhaps nearby or far away, with everyone smiling and enjoying the moment. Their entire trip summed up with snapshots of laughter, adventure, exquisite cuisine. If you've never been to that particular vacation spot you left wanting to plan a trip soon.

Now, think about your last vacation. Was it really all photo album of smiles or was it annoying having to tip every person from the airport baggage handler to the hotel bellhop? Was fun instantly around every corner or just another 2 hour wait for 30 seconds of "thrills and excitement?" Do the photos of your last vacation remind you of the highlights you had and see in the images or do you remember the lowpoints and arguments?

Forty, ten, or even perhaps three short years from now, you'll forget the lowpoints and simply cherish the pleasant memories as if they were other people's snapshots. That reality molding phenomenom that occurs with vacation photos, to me, is the very essence of gratitude journalling. However, the power of the glog is that it is a daily shaping of your reality; instantly gratifying the moment you put it to paper (or post it to your glog ;-). Remember the highs and let go of the lows.

True, not every moment is a high; just as not every second of your last vacation margaritas and beautiful sunsets. Yes, there are going to be some $100 cab rides to go 2 miles up the road. Learn from that mistake, but don't make that the experience. The experience is the breath-taking vista from your hotel room when you finally arrive. The reality: the first timed photograph on the balcony where your wife is ready for the catwalk and you are a deer in headlights hurrying to make it in the shot. What a laugh, what a memory, be grateful in that moment.

Day 7 - La Semana Primera...

OK.  This brings to a close the first week of my glog.  I may officially be out of the numbering business.  However, I am beginning to see the purpose behind taking stock of things daily.  I can't think of a better way to journal things.  Today, I am grateful for:

• The positive affect that gratitude is having in my outlook on my relationships, life, and objectives.
• Kristina for being interested in my progress and supportive of my efforts.  Her opinion means everything to me.
• Michelle for insisting I stay the course and ensuring me that the light at the end of the tunnel is closer today than it was yesterday.
• A day off the bike so the muscles have to have a chance to rest.
• Having time to tinker with my Pista and getting the saddle perfect the first try.
• Kristina laughing at me trying to do track stands in the doorway of our bedroom.
• CBS Sunday Morning.  What a great show.  More importantly Tivo - not every segment of Sunday morning is great.
• Dallas Mavericks and Brandon & Stephanie.  Catching up with our friends and learning they are looking in the same neighborhoods for a new home is good news.
• Having some free time to work on www.Beckworth.org 
• You.

H.H.

6, Seis, VI, you get the idea...

The great thing about the weekend is that it's your time.  Do with it as you please.  Albeit the weather we like spring during the week and is now once again full on winter, it's one of 52 weekends of the year.  Enjoy it regardless of the weather.  Today, I am grateful for:

• The cold.  It makes the challenge of catching the RBM group even more fun.  Couple that with the fact that the road construction detour caught me by total surprise, it was an all out race to catch the group.  I found two stragglers on Warren and decided maybe to take the last couple of miles easy.
• Not getting run over on the way home from RBM.  The humidity came in around 11 and the temp seemed to drop.  Starving and tired, I decided to make my hour trip home a 20 minute trip home.  But this mean about a 1k sprint down 121 to catch a residential street to take me home.  Glad to have a little left for the sprint.
• The Shimano 540s that made the 1k sprint doable.  Thanks again Danny.
• Food. Food. Food.  I made a batch of apple cinnamon and then blueberry pancakes.  Nearly ate them all - and some eggs.  Ride to eat;  eat to ride.
• Working out with Kristina.  After some food and a shower, I was ready to accompany K to gym.  I love how it makes us feel when we work out together; plus it's funny to watch the gym rats watching her at how tough she is and how hot she looks not trying to look hot!
  
• Yeah, more food.  I ordered up two plates at LaMadelline's: Omelette and a Coute Monsieur.  I ate it all.
• A relaxing night at home.  Not every Saturday night has to be dress-up and go out.
• The magic of contrast therapy - the legs definitely needed it!
• You.

H.H.

Day Five

Today was a quiet day at work; many people out sick.  Seems there is something all around.  The CDC, seriously, says that Collin and Tarrant Counties (that's here in my neck of the woods) are the most impacted by the flu this year.  Several schools have closed throughout the week due to lack of students.  Hence, albeit some are not as fortunate, the top of the list is easy. Today, I am grateful for:

• Not getting the flu.  Even though Kristina was not as fortunate, it seems may near daily regimin of Emergen'C, Amino Vital, GNC Gel Multi, water, and exercise are doing the trick.  I like to tell people I am impervious to your "human diseases."  Also, I've been eating more dirt; i.e. caring less about germs.  I'm not saying I eat rat droppings or anything absurd like that, I just don't think everyone and everything has to be operating room sterile.
• I quiet day at work.
• Testing on my NPI release for my software is successful and ahead of schedule.
• Politics at work is at an all time low.
• Kristina really liked the delicious steak and fresh, oven-baked fries I made for her.
• I had time to get an hour on the bike (indoors).
• The kona coffee I made this AM was awesome, but bloody strong. 
  
• Being smart enough to call it an early night so I can ride in the AM.
• You.

H.H.

Day 4... Seeing the Light

Today is a day to be grateful for thing big and small. Let's get down to it. Today I am grateful for:

• Rita House. Hands down (no pun) best massage. Wish I'd known about her all 4 years here in The Colony. I look forward to another session with her in the near future and hope I can refer much business her way.
• Kristina telling me she enjoys reading my glog every day.
• Michelle giving me nearly 4 hours tonight to teach me what the glog really is about and how I directly affect what comes into my life by asking for it. I could nearly write a book on what I learned tonight.
  
• Scott thanking me for setting up his blog and helping him get started. I also appreciated him reviewing my blogs and offering his compliments.
• Being challenged to understand the payoff.
• The spirit clearing power to choose.
  
• The quick chat with my Mom.
• Working Remotely
• A good nights sleep.
• The traffic on my blogs is picking up.
  
• Finally figuring out why my hips are so tight and learning new stretches.
• Tomorrow is Friday and the weekend looks good.
• You.

H.H.

Some days.... not so much

Ah, day three must be the slow day; perhaps, for me the sarcastic day. Rough as it was, there are still some highlights. It was beautiful outside, but I only saw it through a window - might as well have rained. Nonethelesss I am grateful for:

• Kristina reading my glog and appreciating what I am trying to do even though neither of us has totally figured out why. Her support is a treasure.
• Even though it was the best day so far this year to ride for 5 hours, I am glad to have clients and work. Money is nice, too.
• Kristina finally seems to be over her cold, that's nice - kleenex was starting to get expensive.
• The tricked out Saleen Ford Focus that went the same way home as I did and had me laughing from PGBT to Spring Creek. Seriously, who puts a Saleen package on a Ford Focus? It was awesome.
• The gift of giving: I can't wait for Lea Andrah to get the chopping block and Danny to get the bottle of Pappy Van Winkle I sent as thanks for their hospitality.
• Meeting Rita of "Massage by Rita" She was kind enough to work out the kinks on the spot for 5 minutes until her next client arrived. I have an hour with her tomorrow.
• Thievery Corporation helping me get through 2 sets of very sweaty Power Intervals.
• My new subscription to VeloNews. I have no idea who sent it but it's an awesome gift. I expect Danny sent it, but I can be sure.
• That tomorrow is another day.
• You.

H.H.

Day Two...

I guess I'll keep count as long as it takes to make a habit of this.  What's the rule? 3 weeks to make a habit and 3 days to break; except for smoking and heroin.  Don't know about the latter, but that sounds about right.  Today, I am grateful for:

• Special firsts with Kristina
  
• Surprise visits and impromptu dinner with in-laws.  I'm glad they want to be involved with me and Kristina.
• A sweet niece and a rambunctious nephew - both a blast to be with.
• My good friend Emilio.  The mindless banter, the outlandish humour, and much needed advice.
• Finally getting the invoices off to clients; having clients that don't mind my late invoices!
• 69 degress outside with only a 7mph wind!
  
• 158 BPM!!!
• My big brother's kudos.  No matter how old I get or trivial the item, big brother's opinion still counts.
• Being able to work remotely.
• A day filled with events that are very easy to understand and digest.
• Tivo: Daily Show and Colbert Report are waiting.

H.H.

First Timer

This is my first ever attempt at a gratitude journal. I don't think there's a wrong way to do it. Let's see how it goes. I have some catching up to do. Today I am grateful for:

• Kristina's patience. She's been sick all week but did not complain when I wanted to watch the Super Bowl with friends.
• My good friend Michelle. She inspired me to do this. Not many can inspire in others a desire to grow, personally.
• Little surprises and big anticipation.
• Having the time, weather, and health to ride for 4 hours yesterday.
• Having a good friend to ride with for those 4 hours. Bonking the last mile would have been miserable without some company.
• Free Specialized sunglasses, water bottles, and the new Shimano wheels that roll way faster and softer than my Bontregers.
• Being able to email blog posts.
• Doppio Espressos. Bottled water.
• Funny stories about other peoples' kids and the photos to back them up.
• You

Health and Happiness